So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
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