there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
