i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
