Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
My liver just had a heart attack.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
