yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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