Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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