mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
