The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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