And the cops told us we were all naked.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
