She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Randomize
