Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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