Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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