i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
my being single is dangerous.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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