i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
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