Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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