she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I just gargled with NyQuil
Randomize
