Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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