dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
