Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
