i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
