What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Randomize
