I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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