1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
