my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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