I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
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