In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
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