she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
