The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
