your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
