Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
