I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
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