Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
On imdb the canadians say It's amazing
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
