lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Acid is not a monday night drug
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
