dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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