made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I stole a fireplace last night.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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