We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
