I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
