I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
if only i could text you this smell
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
