He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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