His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Randomize
