I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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