there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize