I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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