that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
