I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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