those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize