i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
So much Jack, so little girl.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
