Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Randomize
