it was like his penis was on wheels.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
