She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
