Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Randomize
