he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
God I need to hump something, right now.
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