I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
