I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
How does it feel to date your dad?
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
