I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
