How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
