so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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