You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
