took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
