Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
