the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
