i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I can't turn off my feet"
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Randomize
