I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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