Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
