the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
