Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
