I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
