I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
