ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
