We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
