You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
