I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
