i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
