Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Randomize
