Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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