Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
