6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
