Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
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