I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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