Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
