So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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