My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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