Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
You brought string cheese to the strip club
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
