I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Randomize