Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
