May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
