You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
