Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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