My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
