i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I think I have vodka in my lungs
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
