My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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