That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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