Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
