my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
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