Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
