I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
