You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
why is half of my head shaved?
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