My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
