I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize