i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
