seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize