she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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