i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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