fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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