why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
