due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
