Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
