Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
