I CAN MOONWALK!
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
