Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
He shit in the fireplace
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
