I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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