weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
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