I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
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