you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
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