I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
