I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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