new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
