I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
