Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Randomize